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Scott’s Review of Colombiana

26 Aug

by Scott Peterson

Jason Bourne with a Vagina!

Hey everyone, Scott here. Before attending the premiere in South Beach I might have said Colombiana could have been a straight to DVD clunker. A movie destined to sit on the store shelves, hoping that one Friday night, you might take a chance. Instead,what sets Colombiana apart from late night Cinemax fodder is Zoe Saldana. Saldana conjures up memories of Linda Hamilton in Terminator 2 and Sigourney Weaver in the Alien Quadrilogy. I sat amazed as she essentially becomes a human slinky, navigating through air ducts and underground tunnels. She sexy and smooth, capable of breaking your neck in the blink of an eye.

Saldana stars as Cataleya, a woman propelled into a brutal assassin after witnessing her parents murder at age 9 by a Colombian cartel. After a daring escape, she finds her way to Chicago to live with her uncle, who himself is part of a rival gang. Consumed with vengence, she pleads with her uncle to teach her the tricks of the trade. Reluctantly, he agrees. Not only does she learn,she excels. 15 years later,Cataleya is a killing machine. Her new life, void of any real relationships, is solely motivated by seeking and killing any and all members of the cartel that destroyed her life. Somehow she amasses enough money, fake passports, and weaponry to make Jason Bourne turn into the proverbial green eyed monster. Look, you aren’t going into this movie expecting to see Academy Award winning performances or to bask in the richness of an intellectual screenplay. Colombiana is a high gloss B movie. It is borderline pulp. It has villians straight out of a Tarantino flick, sans the witty dialogue. You know exactly what you are getting.

Saldana introduced the movie and all I kept thinking was how is this beauty going to sell a revenge flick about a female assassin? I can tell you wholeheartedly she nailed the part of Cataleya. You will always remember Zoe Saldana for her parts in blockbusters such as Star Trek and that small independent movie called Avatar, but when we look back 10 years from now, my guess is that Colombiana will be forever known as her coming out party. Get in line, grab some popcorn, and enjoy the ride!

Final Word – 3 Stars

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